Wednesday, March 23, 2011

a little blue



A little blue. That's what I am right now. Granted, it's currently nigh on 2:00 a.m., but I'm feeling a lot of things:

*restless
*bummed
*anxious
*lustful

Oops. That last one was supposed to stay buried in the recesses of my brain. It's possible that last adjective came after I looked at a picture of David Gandy recently on another website (I've been kind enough to employ the old cut-n-paste here for your benefit. I told you this was a blog primarily for the ladies ;))


Kidding aside, I am feeling a little bit of the much-dreaded grieving process that I'm thinking is an inherent part of breast cancer, particularly a mastectomy--particularly a double mastectomy.

Two weeks from tomorrow, they'll be gone. Cagney and Lacy will be canceled forever. (Yes, those are the names of my breasts. I name everything. Everything.)

I gotta tell ya, I feel a little let down by my breasts these days. Despite that feeling, I really am heartbroken. They've been a part of me for over three decades and now with little fanfare and hardly a 'have a nice life, Holl!' they will be departing in a procedure for which I will not even be conscious. Where's the justice?

I will say, I named them well. I mean who were Cagney and Lacy if not hard-hitting, crime-solving detectives? I think my breasts did a fine job of detecting the teeny, weeny little cancer culprits that had the nerve to hide out in my body. I feel violated by that, by the way, but onward and....

upward.

So......I'm holding a funeral. Goodbye to the ladies who've served me well these many years. Goodbye to the breasts that grew with puberty, swelled with pregnancy, nursed my daughter and subsequently shrunk a half cup size as a result.

They've seen me through a lot and now I must bid them a fond and sad farewell.
I really will miss them :(

2 comments:

  1. Hollie, thanks for sharing this in your voice. I appreciate your honestly and candor. I have been thinking and praying for you ... so glad that things look good but so sorry you have to go through it. I'm 32 & can imagine what a shock it would be to have such news. Love ya!

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  2. Thank you, Carrie! I so appreciate the encouragement! <3

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